Date of publication: 2017-07-09 08:44
In the Honduran heat, my volunteer team from Georgia Southern University was hard at work to build a new school for the children of a small Honduran village. The children had never had easy access to education due to the fact that the nearest school was miles away, and the walk was dangerous. As I spoke with one of the women from the village, in the little bit of Spanish I knew at the time, she informed me that not only was education lacking, but also they did not have regular access to healthcare. Since the village had no electricity or modern technologies, reaching a healthcare provider in an emergency would take too long for the patient. Many people suffered from easily treated illnesses due to the shortage of providers.
That being said, the essay potentially has a good start with the Joe story, but you’ll have to clean up the writing. The story doesn’t always make sense, and some of the writing is disjointed. Below is what I’d do with the first part of your opening paragraph. (A few of the words are mine, and they’re just to illustrate the points I’m trying to make. You’d use your own words). By the way, don’t use two types of punctuation in a sentence like you did here: “Joe?!”
The patient’s turnout was not only the result of the PA’s amazing suturing ability, but also because of her warm, personable, reassuring attitude towards the patients—personality traits I both admired and to which I could relate. Looking back, compared to the PA’s stitches, the pig I sutured years ago looked more like I had butchered the pig’s foot. Ever since that day, I’ve yearned to transform that butchered foot into football laces, just like how my sloppy circles evolved into cell cycles and circulatory systems.
“When I realized that I wanted a career in healthcare, I knew it would be a challenging journey. I developed a jealousy for my peers who would express that they could remember the exact moment they were inspired to become a healthcare professional courtesy of some major life experience, because my inspiration did not come that plainly. It was not until halfway through my undergraduate career that I was able to clarify my decision to become a physician assistant (PA), but it is a decision that will satisfy my most innate desires to be a professional who cares for others, practices critical thinking, is part of a team, and is able to maintain a full family life.
Hopefully you have a better reason to go into healthcare than revenge. Write about the real reasons. You can link your childhood experience of inadequate treatment to your interest in ensuring that others never experience that pain. Do it from a positive, not a negative standpoint.
If you’ve shadowed or had contact with PAs through your work, use those experiences to tell more about why you want to be a PA. That would really add depth to your essay. You’ll have to cut down on the Mary story, but that’s okay — there’s a lot of extra writing there.
When we interviewed admissions directors they all said they like to hear how you got from point A to point Z, here is a quote from the pre-release version of our book :
Moreover the kindness and care the Doctors, and other healthcare professionals showed towards him, made him to overcome the sufferings, had always motivated me to continue being passionate about my healthcare career in spite of all difficulties in this pathway. There was nothing the medicine can do in his late 85s, unless giving him support and joyful time in his remaining days. I still remember the Physician and his assistant who always visited him and advised to be bold and prepared to face everything. He trusted his care words made his last moments of death a peaceful one. From that day onwards, I had no other thought of what to become in future.
A three year old boy has severe sinusitis that has caused the eyelids of his right eye to swell and his fever to spike. His mother is beginning to worry because every specialist she has visited has not been able to alleviate her child’s symptoms. It has been three days and she is at another hospital waiting to see yet another specialist. While the mother is sitting in the waiting room a passing doctor takes notice of her son and exclaims to her, “I can help this boy.” After a brief examination, the doctor informs the mother that her son has an infected sinus. The boy’s sinus is drained and he is given antibiotics to treat the infection. The mother breathes a sigh of relief her son’s symptoms are finally mitigated.
To really help you, I’d need to do much more editing than I do for free here. Much of your essay must be cut to give you the space to include the missing pieces. Just to give you an example of what you need to do, here’s how I’d cut in the few sentences:
Minden, Nebraska Location:
Mon. Tues. Wed. & Fri.:
9:55 - 8:55
Thursday: 9:55 - 9:55
Saturday: 9:55 - 66:85
By the way, the second sentence of the fourth paragraph, “First, working in an academic hospital has allowed me access to shadow PAs in many departments as well as attend lectures given by clinicians and researchers,” which doesn’t fit at all in light of your first sentence of that paragraph, “There are many characteristics that are similar between the roles of a researcher and a PA.”
It wasn’t until I attended an event at my sister’s medical school called A Day in the Life of a Medical Student that I was finally able to unite my interests. Unlike most people who turned away from the site of exposed organs or pinched their nose from the stench of formaldehyde, I perused the bodily exhibits, too excited to feel disturbed or nauseous. I performed my first surgery on a pig’s foot, ensuring the sutures perfect distances apart, resembling the laces of a football. From that day on, I was hooked I left knowing that I would pursue a career in medicine. At home, those sunflower sketches started sprouting into cell cycles and circulatory systems.
I usually don’t suggest professional editing for obvious reasons, but I think you could really benefit from it. I’m not saying this to be mean and I hope it doesn’t hurt your feelings, but the essay needs a lot of work.
In the memory of every human connection I have made along my journey, having both been a member of as wells as served the underprivileged, I will continue my drive and ambition toward Physician Assistant Studies in hopes I can continue to become a little less helpless.